That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
