Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
