I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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