worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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