I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
