I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
