Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
