Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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