That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
