whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
