It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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