Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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