Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
