Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
