You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
