i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
