Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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