It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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