Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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