Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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