Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize