What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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