You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
