I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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