I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
