i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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