those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
