I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
