Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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