I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
