Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
