if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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