Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
