Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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