he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
