and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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