I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
