I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
