As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
