...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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