Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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