and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
