So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
two words...techno handjob
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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