is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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