Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
is it fun? or sober?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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