He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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