Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
