you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
