i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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