this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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