YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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