hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
