I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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