VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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