I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
