im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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