I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
