I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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