Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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