I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sober January is a disaster.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
