if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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