What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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