wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
