I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
