the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
