I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
