don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
