I CAN MOONWALK!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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