Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
